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The Prosecution: Beth

Sometimes I'm recorded while I’m eating. It's jarring to spot myself on her Instagram – it’s like a sudden shock.

A close companion of a decade, Marielle, calls herself the “creativity monarch”. It’s fun for a bit, but it weighs on our relationship.

She is an extrovert, there's a constant urge the need to record everything all the time. When we eat out, she says, “The camera eats first,” and snaps pictures with the flash on, which induces embarrassment. I don’t like it when strangers see her performing for the camera – I experience secondhand embarrassment. It also frustrates me because meals lose their warmth.

She isn’t exactly an influencer yet, but Marielle is trying to be. She makes vlogs about city life, her daily routine, and her work as a stylist. Her content is good, credit where it's due, but I prefer not to be dragged into it. On occasion she films me while I’m eating, or simply tagging along. I’ll see myself on her feed afterwards, and it comes like a surprise: I’ll have no makeup on, an awkward face or be captured while eating. It feels invasive.

She also anticipates that I will to film her at inconvenient times. Sometimes I’ll be talking to someone else, or we're simply spending time in the street. The dynamic feels like our bond has transformed into me being her unpaid videographer. She has the means to hire someone if she wanted professional shots. Upon mentioning my discomfort about the situation, she dismissed it. She’s taken me to several industry functions, which were appreciated, but that doesn't compensate for all the time and effort I invest helping her create material.

I’m grateful that Marielle has helped me with my career in design, but I resist our friendship to become merely a tally of favours. I don’t feel she's insincere or inauthentic, but at times I feel that if recording starts, we will begin acting in a way that presents a favorable image for her vlog.

She will say, “Alright, smile for the camera!” and film me laughing with someone. It feels forced. It's crucial her to recognize that our decade-long friendship still has boundaries. I love spending time with her, but I also want to experience it without being recorded, edited, or shared for an viewers. I’m not a accessory for her online persona.

The Other Side: Marielle

I want my friend to see that the creations we make together can get us a foot in the door.

I love shooting content. It’s not just a hobby; it's integral to who I am. Producing content and sharing my life online enables me to express myself and engage with people in novel forms.

I don’t see myself as a full influencer yet, but it's savvy to generate income from your passions. I look up to people on TikTok who pull off that aesthetic of casual, DIY film-making.

Content creation is my version of engaging with life: noticing the nuances, sharing them with an audience that values the art behind it. I never intend to make Beth uneasy. Taking her to professional gatherings was my method of offering access, giving her a chance to experience behind-the-scenes moments that could benefit her career in design too. That isn't blackmail, it's simply being pragmatic.

I’d still take her to such functions even if she refused to assist me, but I desire her to see what the work we create together can get us: an opening. I know not everyone enjoys being filmed, but often spontaneity is what makes material genuine. Appearing on video occasionally is an inherent aspect of being my friend. I'd remove anything she requested, but she has never asked yet.

I don't demand anybody to be my private videographer, but friends help each other in minor capacities. My assumption was recording a clip here or there would be enjoyable for Beth. Innovation flourishes in partnership, and having Beth around makes projects energetic and pleasurable. I never force her to take part in anything, and I would never intentionally embarrass her. But filming together occasionally is part of how I record our shared experiences.

I value Beth’s friendship deeply and don’t want content creation to drive a wedge between us. I am ready to compromise: like requesting permission before filming, and steering clear of angles that might make her uncomfortable.

This is not about power, it's regarding expressing my perspective while still considering hers. Obviously making content is not a substitute for real connection: it’s just part of how I experience life and I want her to be included in a way that’s agreeable for both of us.

The Jury: Reader Opinions

Should Marielle stop filming herself and Beth when they are socializing?

Nothing is more uncomfortable than having a friend film you. I get that it’s Marielle’s passion, but I don’t make friends come to my workplace. Maybe she can find influencer friends to collaborate with. Given the uncertain future of technology, personal relationships are the only thing we have – cherish them!
A respondent, 25

When pursuing something as a career, it's unfair to expect your friends for help repeatedly, even if they have helped previously. While she enjoys shooting, that doesn't imply all those around her is content. She must to honor Beth’s privacy.
Ankit, 26

She may enjoy producing videos and showing off her life online, but it’s not for everybody. It’s nice she has assisted Beth’s career, but she needs to hear what her friend desires.
Emma, 27

It sounds like you value each other, so cling to that and make sure it’s the priority in your relationship. Foster some authentic experiences, where genuine feelings are stored, not digital scrapbooks. Even celebrities who seem to share their worlds actually have more privacy than it seems.
One opinion, 53

Marielle appears to be not fully engaged nor genuine when they're together – she’s working. Both seem unsure as to what’s reasonable. The answer is not found in trying to alter one another, but in each setting defined limits around what feels acceptable to them and seeing if there is an acceptable compromise.
Barbara, 71

Now You Be the Judge

In an online poll: has she been exploiting their friendship?